If you've ever washed out a wound with saline instead of tap water or requested an x-ray for lower-back pain, you're a fool. Here are 15 more things you shouldn't bother doing.
1 Eating five portions of fruit and vegetables a day
The British government advises that we each eat five portions of fruit and vegetables a day. In Denmark, it's six. In Australia, it's seven. In 2014, campaigners tried upping it to 10. Just eat some vegetables and be done with it.
2 Taking vitamin C supplements
If you feel a cold coming on, it's pointless to reach for the vitamin C tablets. Study after study has concluded that – unless you live in a frozen wilderness, smoke an incredibly large number of cigarettes or subject yourself to extreme physical stress on a regular basis – vitamin C won't do anything.
In August, the British Dental Association's scientific adviser declared flossing to be pointless, adding that all floss-based studies of the past 25 years have been of "very low quality". If you've never flossed your teeth, you were right all along. Go out there today and flash the world that foul-smelling, grey-green smile of yours. You've earned this.
4 Washing your jeans
The sensible thing to do with dirty clothes is to wash them. But the CEO of Levi's has advised that you should never do so with jeans, because washing them makes them look bad. Instead, why not try rubbing off stains with a toothbrush, leaving them to air outside and never having any friends because you smell of dirt and sweat?
5 Having a landline
No one calls your landline telephone. You never call anyone's landline. No one will have a landline at all 10 years from now. They exist purely to complicate the act of changing your broadband provider.
6 Drinking eight glasses of water a day
You don't need to drink eight glasses of water a day. The figure first appeared in a recommended dietary allowance guide in the US 70 years ago, and it doesn't take into consideration your age, your height, your weight or your activity level. Instead, just drink until your wee is no longer dark. That means you're hydrated.
7 Overusing your fridge
Don't put tomatoes in your fridge, because it stops them tasting of anything. Don't put potatoes in your fridge, because it will muck up their starch and make them taste funny. Don't put bread in the fridge, because it will go stale faster. Don't put onions in the fridge, because they need to be well ventilated. Don't put bananas in the fridge, because they're tropical fruits. Don't put avocado in the fridge, because they will never ripen. Don't put ketchup in the fridge, because it doesn't need to be kept in the fridge.
8 Washing your hair every day